Cohabit.(good or bad idea?)

When Lulu decided to move in with her boyfriend of ten years she never expected that he would one day leave her and five months after leaving her he proposed to another woman and married her. He had known her only for less than a year yet he was marrying her. She was hurt and became suicidal. She couldn’t believe that the occurrence that she thought only happened in movies where guys move in with their partners of many years but end up marrying someone else. It was hard for her to accept the reality that he left her after all the ups and downs they went through together. She cried for all the wasted years. She cried for all the broken promises. They had agreed to cohabit and push their careers first. She thought that cohabitation was a great idea to prepare them for marriage. Cohabitation is as good as marriage only it’s without a legal binding. The sad part about co habitation is that many guys who have been in these relationships end up not proposing or committing to the one they had lived with for years. They get comfortable to a point that they end up not seeing a reason to get married as they are already getting all the benefits that comes with marriage .Moving in with someone before marriage for many years you end up not accepting   and tolerating each other mistakes that’s where you will find a guy marrying a woman he just met as to him it will be like a fresh start with no fighting. The trick to avoid all these heartaches is to know what you want and to avoid being pressured into thinking that cohabitation or marriage completes you. In the matters of the heart it’s wise to follow your inner voice and to make sure through communication that both of you are ready to commit. In other cultures people decide to settle down because of pressure. Pressure is bad as you will end up settling for what you don’t deserve without considering your needs. In some cases parents mean well as they want their kids to be settled and married. But in these modern times there are women and men who just don’t want commitment or who want to wait until they are much older .Nothing wrong with that as long as you know your priorities. Dating, cohabitation, and marriage your choice as long as you know  your needs and wants. Yes finances, security and big decisions of where you will live when you have kids need to be planned out but it doesn’t take a lifetime for someone to see that they intend spending the rest of their lives with you cohabitation over a long period tends to bring resentment and painful break ups because the end feels like a divorce. To try and avoid painful episodes communication must be clear in terms of goals, careers, whether you want kids, dreams and your expectations on the relationship. Being open about these things gives a clear understanding of whether you are ready or not to commit. Be upfront about what you want in a relationship and set your standards from the beginning otherwise you may end up like Lulu crying over split milk.

TRAIN, EAT & GROW

Building bigger muscles may be easier than most people think. Gains can really accelerate once you understand how and why hypertrophy happens, which we’ll get to in this installment. First you need to understand the 4X method, a fast-blast training sequence of four sets for each exercise with short rests between sets. Even though the poundages are moderate and only one set is all out, 4X has produced some great gains for us in the past year, much to our surprise.

For the uninitiated, a 4X sequence is taking a weight with which you can get 15 reps but only doing 10. You rest 30 seconds, and then do another 10; rest 30 seconds one last time, and rep out on the last set. If you get 10 reps on the fourth and final set, add a small amount of weight to that exercise at your next workout.

The short-rest, moderate-weight four-set sequence does a number of good things for growth, including downplaying muscle-eating cortisol, a catabolic stress hormone; reducing joint wear and tear due to the absence of bone-crushing poundages; and building both sides of the key 2A muscle fibers that are most prevalent in the biggest bodybuilders.

Those first two – limited cortisol release and less injury potential – are self-explanatory, but optimal growth-fiber stimulation and hypertrophy may seem vague, so let’s check out some facts on fiber – the kind of muscles, not the kind that keeps you regular.

Building Ultimate Muscle

The muscle fibers with the most growth potential are the fast-twitch 2As. They are dual-capacity fibers, meaning that they have both a power and endurance component. That’s why so many claim that eight to 10 reps per set is the best range for hypertrophy – because the weight is heavy enough to stimulate the power side, but you get enough tension time to affect endurance positively.

The reality is that most trainees use a one-up/one-down cadence on every rep. that translates to 20 seconds or less per set, a strength-building time under tension. Most research says that you need 40-plus seconds to get the optimal growth response. Why? Fatigue. Accumulation of lactic acid in a muscle will derail stress on the power side of the 2As.

When we say “power side”, we are talking about the myofibrils, which are strands of actin and myosin inside the fiber. They grab onto one another and pull, overlapping to shorten, or contract, a muscle. You develop the myofibrils with lower rep strength training. Myofibrils equal force.

The “endurance side” of the 2As is the sarcoplasmic fluid inside the fiber, which consists mostly of energy constituents such as mitochondria, ATP and glycogen. To increase that fluid and plump up a muscle fiber, you must push the fiber to a fast-twitch endurance threshold. You do that with higher reps on a set and/or shorter rests between sets.

As we’ve said, a 4X sequence stresses both the myofibrils and the sarcoplasm – a power-endurance balance that can produce extreme size gains. Lately, however, we’ve been questioning whether the power component is adequately taxed, especially on the second and third exercises for a muscle as fatigue peaks. There may be a need for a periodic power-style training to complement our exclusive 4X work-outs in order to maximize myofibrillar growth.

Infrequent Power-Mass Training

The road to the fastest big-muscle gains is paved with change – and you can run into a lot of potholes along the way. They can range from no-gain plateaus to major and minor injuries – all things you want to avoid.

By using 4X workouts exclusively, we have avoided those potholes – but we often ask ourselves , have our gains have been as fast as they could have been?

We are at our highest lean bodyweights and have visible abs. That’s a good sign that our mass-building systems are moving forward, but are they truly in overdrive? After contemplating the fatigue factor, see if we can push past our best lean bodyweights with some changes.

First, we have gone back to a more extensive direct/indirect split that has us hitting muscles two to three times a week. For example, we hit triceps when we train chest with pressing movements; then a few days later, when we train triceps, we hit chest indirectly with close-grip bench presses. We have that type of direct-indirect correlation for every body part.

This article was written by Angela Mills, blogger at www.somanabolicmusclemaximizerdownloads.com.  Visit her site to learn more about the Somanabolic Muscle Maximizer and the other fitness products she reviews. 

Ex!

Battle wih the ex files

Have you ever found yourself obsessed about your boyfriend,husband ,wife or girlfriend past?Finding yourself comparing yourself to your partners previous lovers.Finding yourself asking many numerous questions,was the other person beautiful,handsome ,cooler or smarter than you.Searching and following around social networks to look if your other half is still friends with their past lovers.Driving yourself crazy and wasting valuable time where you could have been doing something valuable for yourself than bringing a third person into your relationship .Lets face it obsessing about your partner's past brings so much unhappiness as you are not being yourself you are trying to compare yourself  to your lovers past.So where does the problem lie.Yes ,you guessed right the problem is you ,your self esteem as you end up forgetting that in this world we all  unique in our own different way.

You obsess and follow around then you discover that your partner is still friends with their past lovers or worse still they work together ,what then ,what will you do.Would you forbid your lover to go to work,would you make them to resign and if you do that how sure are you that the one you were lucky to discover from the past is the only one they are working or socialising with.So you see playing the ex files game is a big waste of time .going around digging the past and opening up ghosts while time flies by and with you getting miserable with each discovery that you make.Yes I know at one point in our lives we get curious  but we know what they say about curiosity it killed  a cat.Leave the past where it belongs  and don't bring it if it has no impact in your present.

Advise

1.Stop obsessing about the past

2.Stop comparing yourself to others

3.Stop asking was the other person prettier than you

4.Stop comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t even know what you ate for supper.

5.Embrace the present  and live your life to the  fullest

6.Believe you are the best  and those who have messed with you before well ,what can I say it's their loss

Rebound.

When love goes wrong sometimes it's easy to jump and get a replacement.Sometimes decisions are influenced by lust and hormones and settling for a rebound can leave you fragile and very sensitive where you end up misjudging situations.Sometimes you feel  a need for validation after a failed relationship.Sometimes you feel like you  have to prove  to yourself and the world that you were not the wrong one .Most rebound relationships don’t last long.If you don’t take time to reflect on what happened on the previous relationship and unpack the emotions  you carry the baggage to the next relationship.So one should give themselves time  and set  their priorities straight as to what they want  and need from a relationship.Moving from one relationship to another  trying to fill a void left by someone is not a great idea at all.You don't have to prove to anyone that the person who left you was a fool to let you go.

You must just love yourself  and know that a failed  relationship doesn’t define you  and it also doesn’t mean you are a failure.You also don’t need someone to determine your self worth.The key is that you need to know that only you can determine your happiness and control it.Don't blame yourself for failing to let go.Give yourself  time to heal  and learn from the bad relationship before jumping to another relationship.

                                   LET THE BUGGAGE GO IT'S NOT WORTH IT

I Weigh Less Than When I Got Married, 22 Years Ago!

I consider myself to be in an elite club, so to speak. I can honestly say that I weigh less than when I got married, 22 years ago! I hear so many people complaining about how much weight they've gained since they got married, and I must admit, it feels good to be thinking, not me! I am NOT in that category! I feel like it is only fair, since when I got married I weighed 238 pounds, and my fiances Mother tried to get him to break off the engagement because, as she put it, "she is fat, and has no muscle tone!" Also, I could not find a beautiful Wedding Dress that fit me, so I had to go through the humiliation of having a seamstress add an extra panel to each side! Believe me, I more than paid the price for being an overweight bride!

I Addressed WHY I Overate:

Several things have helped me lose more than 50 pounds since my Wedding day. Even though I had been on numerous diets, and had lost weight, I always gained it back and then some. I realized that I needed to stop dieting and learn how to live a lifestyle that would make me healthier, and in turn would help me lose weight. I started therapy with a counselor to help me with self esteem issues, that stemmed from my childhood. Counseling helped me cope with my feelings. In turn, I didn't turn to food for comfort as often. That was the beginning of shedding more than 50 pounds and gaining my self respect and self esteem back!

walk, Walk, WALK!

I started walking every single day! This started with a quarter mile, than a half a mile, then a mile, until I was walking two miles a day! I felt better physically and mentally, then I had in my entire life.

Portion Control:

I found out portion control worked much better for me than not being able to eat something I craved! If I denied myself something I wanted, I would end up binging on it. I found that if I allowed myself to eat what I wanted, in moderation, and what tasted good to me, the pounds came off without the misery and without the relapse.

I still have about 20 pounds to lose to be at an ideal weight, but I am getting there! The great thing is that I am enjoying life as I work towards this goal, and do not feel deprived and hungry! I am enjoying shopping in "regular" stores, fitting into any booth at a restaurant and not having the aches and pains that came with being overweight. I am living life and loving it!

This article is brought to you by www.HappyHealth.net

When love hurts.

When Lulu decided to marry her prince charming she had no idea that soon after the honey moon her prince will reveal his true colours. On the outside world world things seemed fine but there were not rosy at all. Her prince drank and smoked a lot and all the abuse would start. He would beat her in front of the kids and didn’t care about the neighbours or whoever cared to watch and the world would watch her going through the pain.Relatives and friends would advise her to leave the man, but she was blinded by what she called love and fear. She would define being beaten as an expression of love and being accused of having affairs as his deepest love and affection. For a very long time she lived in humiliation and she even became used to the beatings and the abuse. Living in fear everyday not knowing what each weekend will bring,another insult,another day where her kids would watch her being beaten to a pump. Opening cases and closing them. Hiding bruises under heavy makeup. Promises from him every day that he will never beat her again, after a few days same beatings and abuse and he would blame her either for not coming home early from work or for being with another man.Eventually he stopped supporting the family she would struggle everyday to pay for all the expenses and the needs for their kids, but still she continued with the hope that he would one day change and be her prince charming again. Year in, year out, family meetings, counselling sections he would promise to change and commit to his family. He would swear never to make her cry. As promised he didn’t beat her again but things took a turn for the worse as he changed from physical abuse to emotional abuse. He would call her a useless good for nothing woman who has no morals. He would call her someone who didn’t deserve the "lobola"(bride prize" he paid for her. The insults were even done in front of the kids.

The wake up call

One day she heard her eldest daughter saying that men are bad news and when she grows up she will never let any men near her mother. It was heart breaking to hear her child speaking like that with so much hatred.It  occurred to her that not only was she killing herself but her kids as well. She took all her belongings and her three kids and decided to swallow her pride, her being ashamed to be called a failure and went back to her mother. She decided to walk away from  her  marriage.With her bible on the right hand and her kids on the left hand, suitcases on the head she realised that life and love is not suppose to give you pain and only you are in charge of your happiness and destiny. Hopefully one day she will love and find happiness again.

Find help

To anyone who is being abused mentally, emotional or physically know that it is not your fault and you deserve to be happy.

How to handle conflicts.

The way we handle conflicts in relationships whether its friendship, marriage, family or strangers can make a huge difference. Your approach in a conflict is very important. Shouting accusations and pointing fingers doesn’t help. You don’t understand, you don’t listen, you don’t care, and you are pulling the team down, you are a disgrace to the family, you are a liar, you cramping my style, you don’t behave like one of us, you are annoying, you are incompetent, a normal person doesn’t talk like that, you are crazy, I just don’t have the words for you. Sounds familiar? Thought so, well in our everyday lives we come across conflicts. The way we deal with them is what makes a difference. Notice the above statements the person keeps on saying you, you, you.that's a person who always thinks they are right and wants to have all the control. The approach gives blame to the other person. It s an approach of someone who doesn’t want to own up to their part in the conflict. The approach of always saying you, you, pointing the other person makes the other person respond aggressive and you end up not reaching a solution or an agreement.

Remember relationships are built by two or more people, so it’s in the best interest of everyone to find a better way to solve conflicts as you still want to keep the relationship with the other person. There are some moments when you lose your cool or lose your temper it happens to the best of us. When that happens let the other person cool down because trying to show a person who has lost their temper how wrong they are makes things worse. Thinking that he is being attacked or he was the cause of the fight makes other people to go into attack mode. The choice of words used in a fight may also contribute to the fight being resolved or not resolved. Instead of pointing each other you can try using ‘we’ in place of ‘you’. We didn’t meet the target this year, we didn’t do this right, we must learn from this. ‘We’ sounds better as it’s not making anyone feel as if they are to blame for the fight. The other tool of solving conflicts is listening. Before you reply someone make sure you heard properly before twisting their words and avoid selective hearing where you will hear what you want to hear as that can also lead to an argument.

Don’t forget we are all different and no one is perfect. We clash sometimes because we are not same but before pointing at others we must take a look at ourselves first because let’s face it you can’t change others you can only change yourself. Conflicts and arguments will always be there so it’s better to adopt a better way to solve them. Bear in mind that sometimes environment, time or place can also contribute in getting solutions in conflicts. Disagreements are there everywhere but when you deal with them in a mature and better way it leaves everyone satisfied and not resenting each other. Shouting each other and not coming to an arrangement can leave you drained and tired. If the conflict is not solved at least each person must be able to see each other’s point of view. Where there are no conflicts it’s possible that in those surroundings people are not speaking their minds.

Dreams or Imagination.

Waking up in the middle of the night, it’s so dark and scary. All she could see was darkness. Anyone out there? Seemed like there was no one .Seems like she was all alone, consumed by forces and powers of darkness. The powers of darkness seemed to overpower her .everyday and every night it was an endless struggle, fighting the unknown. Shadows chasing her but never catching her. She ran until she fell in a big dark hole and then was rudely awakened by the alarm, Lily realised she was dreaming.

 What does all this mean? Do powers of evil and darkness really exist or is it our minds playing tricks on us. Waking up so weak and tired like you have been in a heavy battle, battling with the unknown. Sometimes you hear of dreams where you are being chased by people trying to strangle you and trying to pull you down, they pull and pull and the dream ends in an ugly manner whereby you don’t get to see if those people succeeded to pull you down because somehow these dreams always get interrupted. Dreams or nightmares, are they things we imagine or always think about most of the time or are some of them  powers of darkness? Do our minds play tricks on us especially when we dream of being killed or strangled? Is it fear of death or the unknown making us to have such nightmares? Nightmares of falling in deep holes trying to cross over to the other side then suddenly you wake up confused asking yourself what the nightmare meant. Well dreams, nightmares or whatever you choose to call them are part of our lives. Whether there is meaning behind them or it's powers of darkness it’s up to an individual belief and take on life.

Little one..

Do you have a conscience?

How do u sleep at night(do you have a conscience)

                                           

People go missing everyday some young ,some old.The ones that puzzle me the  most are the ones that disappear on  purpose and relatives are left wondering and confused whereas the  person has gone and started a whole new life.Why cant a person just tell their relatives that they no longer want any contact with the family so that they don't bother looking for them.We waste resources and time looking for someone who doesn't want to be found.what causes a person to abandon loved ones and go start a new life.Is it because loved ones are too demanding or is it because the person is just plain heartless and doesn't think about others.then there are those who steal kids and abuse or rape them ,this world is sick indeed.with so many women single out there you just wonder why people resort to raping kids?or is it this mentality that you sleep with a virgin you cure.how do sleep at night knowing what you have done.how do sleep after killing and abusing an innocent kid.how do you live after abusing  and raping a helpless being.Its very sickening that some victims are related to the person who has raped and abused them.what kind of human being who abuses their own kids ,nieces or nephews.The world is indeed twisted.

Through the eyes of a child..

How I wish we could see the world as a little child. Not fearing anything .Explores the world without doubt, hesitation or fear. Imagine if we would just explore and do things so many things would b possible. Looking at every action like it’s an adventure and touching everything like its gold with so much curiosity. How refreshing and nice to watch a child exploring a new toy or object. Appreciates and admires the object no matter how small or big. To a child everything is handled with so much admiration. To a child everything is possible. Have you ever seen when a child climbs something and falls after a few minutes he goes back to try to climb again. Yes he has fallen a few minutes ago but he has the art of trying again. It’s so amazing that all the arts we need in this life we had them ever since we were born but somewhere along the line when growing up we let fear rule our capabilities and attempts. We just stop trying because we fear failure why can’t we see the world through the eyes of a child. See and explore without fear of falling or failing. Looking at a small light and appreciating it as if it’s the world, how wonderful it is to be a child .looking at it nicely the world is full of possibilities if only we would remove fear in the equation. It’s so laughable that we fear things that we can control. Just a thought, just imagine if we could see the world through the eyes of a child. Just imagine all we could do and achieve

4 Healthy Ways to Grieve

Grief is an emotional response one feels when someone or something you love has been taken away from you. Many things can cause you to feel this way, such as the death of a loved one, the death of a pet, losing a job, a divorce, a break-up and many more causes. The closer something was to you, the more intense your grief will feel.

How we handle our grief can be different for every person though. The healing process may take a long time, or you may heal quickly. Some people grieve for months and some for years. Coping with that grief in a healthy manner will help you get back on the road to feeling normal quicker.  Here’s what you should remember for yourself or loved ones, whoever’s afflicted.

1. Get Support

The most important part of healing is to have the love and support of others around you. As hard as it may be for you to express your feelings, it’s much healthier to do so when you are experiencing feelings of grief. Sharing your loss and feelings with someone else will make the burden feel lighter. Accept the support others want to give to you as grieving alone is much harder. Connecting with others is going be a big part of healing. Stay close to the people you love, and let them be the ones you lean on. 

2. Faith

Finding comfort with whatever it is you have faith in is a very healthy way to begin healing. If you are religious, let that comfort surround you and know that you’re going to get through this using your spiritual faith. If you’re an atheist, take comfort in whatever it is you have faith in – love, friendships, mankind, whatever it may be.

3. Support Groups

Even with people around you who love you and are trying to help, you may find that people who have experienced the same thing you are going through can provide better support. To find a support group for bereavement, you can check with funeral homes or hospitals. Check the internet as well for both online groups and better info on local groups.

4. Grief Counselors/Therapists

If things become too overwhelming and you don’t feel you are managing your grief well, professionals such as therapists or grief counselors can help. They are experienced in the field of helping peoplegrieve and will help to get you through the obstacles you are facing. 

Grieving is certainly an individual experience for everyone and how you manage that grief can help you heal much faster. 

Jonathan Hulbert writes about self help, personal finance & saving money at www.lifeinsurancequotes.org.